I'm really into asian looking animals
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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