I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
