If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
