omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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