The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
