I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
