I feel like abortions should bother me more
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
