I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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