We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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