I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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