Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
