Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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