Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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