When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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