who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
