My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I believe in your delicious
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
