I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
