Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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