So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
