it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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