I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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