the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
