forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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