gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
