Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
