Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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