it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize