Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
