she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
