Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize