last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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