some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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