We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize