im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it because I queefed?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
