I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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