your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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