erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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