Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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