Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize