it wasn't lemon gatorade
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
