He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
