Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
