Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Non-Jews are for practice
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
