I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
