OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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