I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize