trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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