It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
