On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
