Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
