i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
