i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
