Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
