Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Screwed.edu
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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