So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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