That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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