Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
