yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
