The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize