Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
