soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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