I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize