Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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