I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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