And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
