he shaved USA in his pubs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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