You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
