There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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