Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
