shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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