Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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