got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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