Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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