Where is the hickey?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
