if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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