yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
People in love make me want to vomit
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
