I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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