Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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