that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
