He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
