What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
