i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
