Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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