the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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