i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
that is very illegal...i love you.
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