if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
