please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
